he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
