So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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