also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
