just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
