thus making me awesome and them whores
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
