At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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