how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Four minutes until I can fart!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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