do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
