so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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