So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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