Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
