Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
