Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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