everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize