I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
