He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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