You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
