Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
