If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
