just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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