Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
