hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
