she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
