I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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