I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
