Only a mothe r could love this liver
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
