I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
