nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
