I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She's the barista slut.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
