I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
