Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
