I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
