I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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