in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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