apparently the secret to your success is patron
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
