He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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