I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
