i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dick very happy bro
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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