The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
