Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
