I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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