I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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