I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
