things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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