so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
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I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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