Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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