I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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