what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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