I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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