Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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