ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
