I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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