shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
