i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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