butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
