but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
smell my finger.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
