I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
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I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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