I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
