I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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