Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
