is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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