That's intense
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
