There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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