If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
