That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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