Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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