Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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