my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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