1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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