I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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