If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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