why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i am craving dick and cupcakes
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
