you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
