so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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