Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
