I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
