just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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