and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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