But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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